arranging free Scott Borras agency puns from the 2022 MLB GM meetings

arranging free Scott Borras agency puns from the 2022 MLB GM meetings

During MLB’s GM meetings on Wednesday, agent Scott Boras had a lot to say about his many clients with Free agent madness Underway. To spice things up a bit, Boras came prepared with some puns to help sell his clients a little more than usual.

Boras spent time with reporters, sharing creative updates on the state of the free agency as a whole, as well as specific players. Boras has provided some interesting answers about Xander Bogaerts, Carlos Correa, and many of the best offseason free agents.

With Boras putting a lot of effort into most of his answers, we decided to rank them from best to worst. Check out which Porras puns landed and which ones needed more time in the oven.

All of these quotes are provided by Alden González of ESPNwho wrote some of Boras’ most famous answers.

1. At the interest level in the Xander Bogarts Stop Shorts

“This is the first time that teams have had the opportunity to sign with X-man. I think they find it a great opportunity. Xander has a very famous uncle, Humphrey, and he definitely left in his diary, ‘Kid, there’s going to be a lot of teams looking at you.'” “

As someone with tickets to Black Panther: Wakanda Forever opening night, I can certainly appreciate the first half of this answer. After that, Boras went further and fired Humphrey Bogart’s signal there as well. He definitely went into this a few times before throwing it in front of reporters.

2. James Paxton must exercise his player option for one year to stay in Boston

“Sometimes it is better to take the six-pack than to search for champagne.”

Honestly, that just feels good. Rather than go after bigger money in the free-agent market, which he may or may not have, Paxton has chosen to take the guaranteed $4 million from the Red Sox for the 2023 season. We can all learn a little from that thing.

3. On teams looking at bowler Carlos Rodon

“Last year, the thought team chose Rodon. And this year, Rodon sculpted another masterpiece. I think in the marketplace his definition of museum-level art is now clearly understood by the teams.”

At the risk of making a Boras pun, this was a thought man’s joke. There is nothing wrong with having a little art and culture in your life. This is another joke where I can appreciate the level of work that Boras put into it earlier.

4. At the level of interest in shooter Taijuan Walker

“Taiguan is on an island, I think the only question is who would like to Taipei?”

This had some dad kidding energy, and even though I’m not a dad, it sounds like something my dad would try. I also enjoy that this showcases Boras’ knowledge of world geography. Someone noticed at school.

5. On the difference you will get in Brandon Nemo

“There are a lot of teams in the free agent market out there in the water for the quarterback. Whoever the Pixar guy is will be lucky to find Nemo.”

We have another reference for Disney properties from Boras. The mouse already runs mostly everything. This might not be quite as good as the X-Men crack above, but it works just fine. Now if only Mets fans could make like Dory and forget about the post-season look.

6. In the free agency market in general

“The Free Dealer’s Market is very much a carnivore market. There are many degrees available. For owners’ menus, those rolls lean more toward filet mignon and wagyu than they tend to hamburgers and vegetarian.”

While this isn’t the most creative joke in Boras’ arsenal, it paints a good picture of what a free MLB agency might look like. Hopefully this pays off, and fans will watch teams go to war over the best players in the game.

7. On spending Rangers in Free Agency

“I don’t think they look at Texas and say they have heads scattered.”

I’m not sure if Boras is referring to the actual Rangers list or how much money they’re willing to dump in a free agency. If it’s the first order, he has to lie. If it’s the latter, which I suppose, Texans may be ready to do some agility and take a big step forward next summer.

8. Another answer on Bogarts

“It’s kind of an X that marks the spot on the map to the Sierra Madre treasure.”

Bogart’s first joke was even better. Stop while you’re ahead, Scott. You have to learn that.

9. What Carlos Correa can bring to the team

“So you’re a franchise brand. You’re Dior of Defense. You’re Hermes beating. You’re Louis V to drive. You’re Prada for post-season. It’s a championship designer one-stop shop.”

It looks like Boras is already pushing Korea here, but is it necessary? It looks like Korea will get a lot of attention, even without Boras comparing him to luxury brands. Also, there doesn’t seem to be a good pun here, unless you’re completely over my head.

10. Updates on players that Boras may or may not have made jokes for

“Man, I, ah, need a left-handed pitcher like that.” Follow Favorite

“He is simply incapable of needing a man like that.” (Matthew Boyd)

“He just has all the bells and whistles.” (Josh Bell)

“It’s kind of Mike’s comeback, the free agency hit.” (Michael Conforto)

“Provar, very well.” (Gurikson Provar)

I don’t think Boras prepared answers for these guys, and he kind of got them together at the last minute. An impenetrable joke really stands out as an invitation to get it all together right away. Update on Matthew Boyd in the same vein.

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