Commenters on a viral internet post were stunned after one woman explained why she expects her boyfriend to pay to replace her extensive collection of hair accessories.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/QueSerra5 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she owned a large number of fun-shaped and brightly-colored hair pins, headbands, clips and side combs until her boyfriend’s secondhand embarrassment drove him to dump the accessories in the ocean.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for wanting my boyfriend to pay me for the hair accessories that he dumped?” the viral post has received more than 7,300 votes and nearly 1,400 comments in the last 10 hours.
Writing that she is 27 years old, the original poster said that some people in her life, including her boyfriend, consider her affinity for hair accessories “childish.”
“He thinks I wear them excessively and said that they make me look like a teenager,” she wrote. “He has been complaining about being too embarrassed to take me out or go anywhere with me because of my hair accessories.”
“He gave me an ultimatum saying he won’t go anywhere with me unless I stop wearing this stuff but I refused,” she continued.
Recently, the original poster said her boyfriend invited her to his sister’s birthday party but added that he “threw a fit” when she told him she planned on wearing her hair accessories. Following her refusal to leave the accessories at home, the original poster also said she made a shocking discovery.
“The next day I found out that he took my entire collection away and dumped it in the sea,” she wrote. “I was so angry I unloaded on him completely.”
“He told me to stop being childish and start acting my age,” she continued. “I yelled at him demanding he pay me for the entire collection and he said that he can only offer to get me colorless Scruchie[s] that women my age wear.”
“His family got involved and his mom offered me to pay but I refused to let her and told her [that] her son is the one who threw it away,” she added. “He kept refusing saying it’s not worth fighting for and that I should learn to step out of my comfort zone and try new things… his argument is that this is impacting his public image as well.”
In a January edition of Slate’s “Dear Prudence” advice column, one woman detailed her husband’s proclivity for throwing away food, hand-painted gift boxes and other donatable items in the name of minimalism.
Jenée Desmond-Harris, Slate’s “Dear Prudence” writer responded that, aside from the environmental benefits of minimalism, throwing away a partner’s possessions can serve as a major red flag, even in a 20-year marriage.
“It’s not okay for him to throw away stuff that is also your property…without your approval,” Desmond-Harris wrote. “That borders on stealing, and I worry about what such a habit says about his respect for you and your preferences.”
Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. A lack of respect, on the other hand, is often indicative of the exact opposite.
Earlier this year, Marriage.com listed 20 signs of disrespect within relationships and offered advice for how couples can deal with it.
Included within the list were numerous harmful behaviors including devaluing opinions, belittling, mocking a partner’s appearance, weaponizing consistent insecurities and attempts at changing core personality traits.
Throughout the viral Reddit post’s comment section, many Redditors said the original poster’s boyfriend exhibited the most, or all, of these behaviors and encouraged OP to reevaluate her relationship as a result.
“[Not the a**hole],” Redditor u/VixNeko wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 13,000 votes.
“This man is not for you and he’s the one [who] needs therapy for whatever is bugging him because that is not normal behaviour. You don’t obsess over your partner’s fashion choices like that,” they continued. “You’re gonna hear this a lot, but I definitely think you should reconsider this relationship.”
Redditor u/be4ifallsaveme, whose response has received nearly 3,000 votes, pushed back at the notion that the original poster’s hair accessories are “childish” and speculated about her boyfriend’s destructive actions.
“It is ‘acting your age’ to know your style and what you like and stand up for it,” they commented. “You’re absolutely [not the a**hole].”
“His image is getting affected? Please, he’s being so immature,” they added. “He’s acting like a child that after not getting what they want, throw[s] a tantrum and destroys things. It’s abusive, red flags galore.”
In a separate comment, which has received nearly 2,000 votes, Redditor u/Feeling_Ad_5309 explicitly told the original poster to separate from her boyfriend.
“[Not the a**hole]. And pls dump him,” they began. “1. He destroyed your property which you paid for 2. Refuses to pay you back 3. Does not accept you for the things you like 4. Gives in to others’ opinions about you 5. not defend you but rather does sides with them 6. His public image is more important to him than being supportive of his [girlfriend].”
“I repeat, dump him pls,” they added.
Newsweek reached out to u/QueSerra5 for comment.